We are 26 days post-surgery and a little over week into Maggie’s new diet as prescribed by Dr. Doolittle. Making her meals takes me a good 15 minutes both morning and evening (not including the cooking) but I don’t mind. I’ve learned that she LOVES sardines. I mean LOVES them. I was opening a couple cans last night for her wishing I could plug my nose simultaneously because to me they smell absolutely horrendous. As I was peeling back the top off the second can it snapped splashing my face with sardine water. I wanted to puke… but I digress. 

About three to four days after starting this new diet I noticed a significant difference in her alertness and activity level as well as the softness and shine of her coat. I haven’t seen her this alert and active since before surgery and before her leg started bothering her. She is up early and demands her walks. Each day her walks get a little bit longer. We’ve gone back to her favorite place, Roger Williams Park, and she is oh so happy to be roaming around, sniffing everything, and watching for squirrels. It feels good to be back in our old stomping grounds. 

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We are going to be getting her a cart from Eddie’s Wheels up in Mass. These are custom built carts and are actually cheaper than a custom brace (which I found surprising). They are $725. Even better, her insurance covers $625 of it! I’m eager to get her this cart because she’ll be able to do longer walks which is both great for her and me. 

Anyway, I keep forgetting she’s been diagnosed with cancer because she seems so much like herself again. She’s doing downward dog again which is incredibly impressive to watch when you consider her size and number of legs she has. I am trying not to focus on the inevitable. In fact, I’m reading this book right now by Dr. Nick Trout called Love is the Best Medicine. There’s a quote in there that resonated with me, “Cancer is not the same as death”. I keep reminding myself of this. I need to cherish her good days and hope they continue. He goes on to talk about what he’s learned from some of his patients and their owners. Ultimately, we never get enough time with our animals. We all know this. Some animals breath their souls into our lives. It’s like experiencing true love. That true love doesn’t come from the idea of having a fur baby but rather experiencing time with your animal doing what it takes to care for that animal: long walks, obedience training, going to the vet and so on. In particular those moments where you get to experience your dog’s world when they are on a walk and simply enjoying the moment. They aren’t thinking about tomorrow or yesterday – they are thinking about that exact moment. They are truly living. 

I’ve had many dogs in my life, but none have ever touched my heart and soul the way Maggie has. I’m not sure why or how she did it. Is it her breed, her personality or where I was at in life? Was it a perfect mixture of all the right ingredients to bring about this beautiful relationship? We don’t speak the same language but we know each other through and through. She gets me and I get her. I know when she needs something and she knows when I need something. We are best friends – we have a bond I’ve never experienced – and for that I am lucky. Whenever Maggie has to depart this world she will always remain with me. Always. I’m grateful I have these moments with her – the ability to care for her the way I can – and I’m happy she gets to spend her life here with me. Simply put, I love her and will always love her. I’m sure when I’m old, gray and suffering from memory loss Maggie will be at the forefront of my mind and I’ll be mumbling about her. Asking where she’s at and talking about how she is the best dog in the world. She’s left an indelible mark on my soul. She’s my girl. 

Stay tuned for further updates as we continue on this new normal… 

We are 17 days post-surgery. The biopsy came back positive for osteosarcoma… just as we suspected. :::Sigh::: Now we can consider doing chemo, not doing anything, or trying something else.

I spoke with Dr. Rinaldi after the biopsy report confirmed cancer and he said he recommended six treatments of chemo for her which would occur every three weeks. The cost is roughly $920 per treatment. Her insurance covers $2400/year for chemo. This basically means that insurance would cover about half the cost which is much better than nothing. Side effects of chemo are minimal for dogs because they use a much lower dose of chemo in dogs as compared to humans. The reason for the lower dosage is because chemo for dogs is used as palliative care and not to cure the cancer. He said roughly 10% of dogs experience side effects but generally most do well. Occasionally they feel crummy the next day but after that they are good. They continue to eat normally and live normal lives. Halfway through the chemo treatment they do a full chest X-ray to see if the cancer has metastasized. If it has then they adjust the treatment. In fact, we could start chemo as soon as this week. Sessions take roughly an hour, although, sometimes a bit longer. The car ride up to the clinic is a little over an hour and, unfortunately, I don’t have the most comfortable car for my sweet beast. Regardless, it’s something to consider. 

Interestingly, as I’ve gone down this road, I’ve realized we have options. Yes, Maggie has cancer, however, I’m not stuck with one option for her care. I decided to research holistic vets in my area and to my amazement I found Dr. Sharon Doolittle who practices about 10 minutes from where we live. Yes, Dr. Doolittle. That is her given name. I decided to give her office a call and see if she treats osteosarcoma. They called me back shortly after I left my message and she does treat osteosarcoma with pretty promising results. I scheduled an appointment. The first appointment available was Jan 23, although, I was put on the cancellation list. This morning after our walk I got a call from her office. They had a cancellation this morning and wondered if we could come in. YES, OF COURSE! 

Let me tell you… normally when we walk into a vet office Maggie starts shaking like a leaf and clambers as far onto my lap as she can. Her tail goes between her legs, she starts flaking dandruff and pants nervously. When we walked into Dr. Doolittle’s office she was immediately curious and began sniffing everything. Then she laid down and fell asleep. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d see that. 

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Dr. Doolittle and her staff are incredible. Maggie slept pretty much the entire time even during the examination. This is how comfortable she was there. It was unbelievable. 

So, I’ve made a decision. We will not be doing chemo. We are going to treat her holistically. This means changing her diet to a keto like diet: protein, vegetables, fruit and fat. We are cutting out carbohydrates (aka grains). Cancer cells love sugar. Kibble is mostly grain which essentially means I’m feeding her cancer. She is going on some approved proteins, veggies, fruits and fat. I will rotate them throughout the next six weeks until we go back to Dr. Doolittle. In addition to transitioning her to this diet she will start taking a handful of supplements. All of this is eased into her diet. 

As I was there I knew I was in the right place. Maggie is going to eat well, get some good supplements for her overall health (including the cancer), and she will enjoy going to the doctor. 

I’ll write more later about exactly how the diet and supplement transition is working but for now I’m thrilled. Tonight, was her first meal into the transition: kibble, sardines, cauliflower, turnip greens, butternut squash, and blueberries (and, of course, her new supplement regime combined with her current pain/nerve meds). 

I’m happy with the choice I’ve made. The next step will be transitioning her diet and looking into getting her a brace for her front leg. 

Thanks again for everyone who has asked about her. It means the world to us.  

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• 

Happy New Year, friends! Today marks 10 days since surgery. Everyday gets a little better. Her eyes are a little clearer each morning, her tail wags a little more vigorously, and she’s finally able to shake her head. While the move has been stressful on all of us, ultimately, the place is much better than what we had. Case in point, Maggie isn’t scared to go outside anymore because there aren’t stairs. Each day her confidence is building with moving around. When I get her collar out she gets up as quickly as possible, tail wagging, ready to go for a walk. Four days ago we walked about 50 yards. She was so excited to be outside. She loves sniffing the new neighborhood smells and listening to the neighborhood sounds. Later that night she tricked me into taking her for a walk. She acted like she had to go to the bathroom but when we got outside she started cruising down the street. So… we walked. Since then we’ve done a short walk each day. This makes her tired and happy. I think she was going nuts being cooped up. 

I called the surgeon’s office this morning to see if the biopsy results were in, however, as of this morning they weren’t in. 

Her bandage has come off but I’m keeping it covered with her compression shirt. The stitches look good and we will be going to see Dr. Nieves on Saturday, January 5 to get the stitches removed. 

I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had 11 days off in a row. I’m not sure I could have handled everything while working – of course – maybe it would have been a good distraction. Regardless, Maggie is on the mend. 

Wednesday marks my first day back to work and then Thursday marks Cory’s first day of grad school. Things are going to change and I know we need to get back on a routine. 

Anyway, I’ll follow up once I know more about the biopsy, chemo information and her overall prognosis. I keep forgetting that there’s still a big battle ahead. It’s like all I can focus on is her surgery recovery and I think that once that’s done everything will be okay. Then I remember. Sigh… as long as my girl feels better in the interim and can live out the rest of her days happy and comfortable that’s all I care about. 

Thank you to everyone who stopped by to see us, who sent messages and were overall incredibly supportive. It’s been heartwarming to see how many people care about us all.  

Merry Christmas friends. I hope everyone had a great holiday. Yesterday and last night were pretty rough for both me and Maggie. I think that her Fentanyl patch is wearing off causing her more discomfort. While the instructions strictly forbid stairs we have three stairs that lead up to our apartment so she’s had to navigate them causing what seems like pain every now and then because she cries loudly. It’s the worst sound in the world. It makes me feel so awful for her. Like what the hell did I do to my dog? Good news is we move tomorrow to a new place with no stairs – I think I mentioned this in a previous post. That will make things much easier for her (and me). 

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Last night Maggie barely slept a wink. She normally sleeps in her bed which is in the living room but she came hopping last night in the middle of the night which is rare. She only does that when she doesn’t feel good. I laid a blanket down on my side of the bed so she could sleep next to me. She laid down. Got up. Laid down. Got up. Laid down. Got up. Over and over. She couldn’t lay for more than five to 10 minutes. Finally, I brought my pillow down on the ground, held her and she slept for a few hours. 

This morning she was uncomfortable and so tired. You can tell by how she’s walking. This dog is exhausted. I called the vet and asked what I can do. Can I give her CBD oil? Something to help her sleep and help her pain? They said I couldn’t give her CBD oil right now because it will interact with her Gabapentin and Carprofen. The way CBD breaks down in the liver is the same way both Gabapentin and Carprofen do and so what happens is those drugs aren’t broken down and can lead to accidental overdose. Great. They did say I could increase the Gabapentin to three times a day so that’s what we’ve done. She finally took a nap. She got up for a little bit and I sat next to her. She put her head in my lap and fell asleep again. 

I’ve been doing some reading about front leg amputation recovery for dogs and what to expect. Turns out everything that is happening is normal, in particular, how I’m feeling. This article does a great job explaining what to expect. This article talks about how people deal with their dog’s amputation, “Accept that there will likely be challenges over the next few days that may make you sad, or even regret that you went through with the surgery. That’s normal. Don’t beat yourself up, remember to be strong, and know that the recovery time is just temporary.” This definitely lifted my spirits a bit because I know I’ve been pretty challenging to be around. I’m projecting human emotions onto Maggie and thinking she’s depressed or upset. In reality, she’s uncomfortable and is on heavy drugs. This recovery time is only temporary and will make her more comfortable in the long run. I need to remind myself of this. Right now, I feel like I’ve done something cruel and selfish but I know logically that’s not the case, however, emotionally that’s how I feel and I can’t figure out how to stop it other than researching and knowing what she’s doing and how I’m feeling is completely normal. 

I’m ready for this two weeks to be done. It’s only been four days and it can’t come quick enough.  

It’s no surprise that yesterday was as emotionally overwhelming as it was for all of us. The sheer amount of guilt I’m feeling does not want to let go. She started whining a lot and that’s when we noticed she peed the bed again so we got her up and saw that pee had soaked her compression onesie that she needs to wear. I called the surgeon and asked the following: 

1. Is this normal for her to be peeing in bed? 
2. What can I do about the shirt? 

They said, yes, it’s normal for her to wet the bed. They said I could remove her onesie and wash it. So that’s what we did. Amazingly after we took off the harness and her shirt she fell asleep right away. We put a towel over her bandage and then put a heating pad on top of it. After that we put a blanket over her. She was out like a light. She hadn’t slept like that since we picked her up. I felt like it was a little victory. 

We left the apartment for about an hour or so to go see some friends down the street. Maggie was sleeping so we figured she’d be fine. When we got home she had gotten up by herself, drank an entire bowl of water, and put herself back to bed. Second victory. She does have heart. 

She started whining slightly so we got her up and took her outside. She peed all by herself in her normal squatting position. That’s the third victory of the night. 

She slept through the night and didn’t wet the bed. This morning she got up and was able to pee again by herself. We can see she’s figuring out her back legs as she walks out into the yard. It’s incredible. She wanted to sniff all around the yard and it ended up being too much for her so she just laid down in the dirt. We rested there together, on the ground, for about ten minutes. Heading back into the apartment she saw her boyfriend, our neighbor Mike, and headed over to him as quickly as possible, tail wagging like crazy, thrilled to see him. 

When we came back in the apartment she wanted to hang out so she insisted on lounging on her rug by the couch. She stayed there for a bit, went and laid down in bed, but then got up a little while later to hang out in the living room with us. 

She has a few fleeces that are cozy so I sewed the left leg hole in one of them and put it over her compression onesie. It now fully covers her bandage. I’ll be sewing the other one later today. We took a family nap and when I woke up I made some lunch for her since she hadn’t really eaten yet. She sat up in bed, ate her chicken and dog food while I sat next to her. Now, she’s sleeping again with the heating pad on her wound area. 

I look at her and I feel this immense amount of guilt watching her struggle and I think I’m being dumb because she’s pulling through. It’s going to be a rough recovery especially as she builds up strength on her right side to compensate. Regardless of how I feel she is just doing her thing and doing what she can. She gets up when she feels like she can and puts herself to sleep when she knows she needs to sleep. She gets tired easily when she’s moving around but she seems okay. She looks at me with her sweet eyes and I love her. I tell her this all the time and I try to reassure (or maybe me) that this new normal will be just fine as we get out of this stage.  

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The vet called last night and said the surgery went well and that she would call tomorrow to let us know when we can come get her. She called this morning, as promised, and said Maggie didn’t want to walk last night but she was up walking this morning in the yard. We could come get her at 10:30. 

Well we arrived a few minutes early and were brought into a room. The tech went over our discharge instructions: 

1. Exercise restriction: No jumping or stairs. Stay on a leash while going the bathroom. 
2. Don’t remove the bandage but make sure it remains clean and dry. 
3. Put a warm pack on the wound area three times a day.
4. 150mg carprofen twice daily (pain med)
5. 300mg Gabapentin (pain med)
6. 200mg cefpodoxime (antibiotic)
7. Come back in two weeks for suture removal

Maggie came hobbling into the room with the tech after that and was eager to get the hell out of there. We had to stop after about 30 feet. Then we continued to the car. She fell getting into the car. Then she cried and whined quite a bit until she was able to get as comfortable as possible and then fell asleep. We got home about 90 minutes later. She got out of the car okay and then had to pee. She started peeing but then fell and continued peeing while laying down. After that she got up and we were able to get her into the house and onto her bed. At some point she peed again in her bed. She’s been whining with every breath on and off since we’ve been home. Her pain meds aren’t due for another 5 hours. The good thing is she wants to hang out with us. We got her up for a bit to lay next to the couch. She’s back in bed now and is feeling pretty crummy. 

As far as how I feel? Like the worst dog mom in the entire world. Seeing her go through this is quite possibly one of the roughest things I’ve ever had to witnessed. I can only communicate with her through the tone of my voice and my touch. She doesn’t understand when I tell her it’s going to be okay. I find myself playing the decision over and over in my head. Did we make the right choice? But what other choice did we have? Wait for the tumor to get worse and more painful. While the amputation is a rough recovery it was the best choice for her overall comfort and quality of life. I’ve got this overwhelming weight of guilt right now. I feel actually pretty fucking terrible right now. 

The surgeon said it was going to be a rough two weeks but after that things would get a lot easier. Good news is we’ll be moving on Wednesday to a place that will be much easier for her to get into and out of. She’ll have her own yard. Right now I’m sipping on a Negroni and hanging out with Cory. For now, the house is calm and she is sleeping. I’ll post with more updates as she progresses.  

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I work from home and sometimes I need to get out of the house for a change of scenery. On Tuesday I was at my new favorite local coffee shop, Saint Monday, and was waiting to order my standard – an Americano. A woman walked up and said, “You’re Maggie’s mom aren’t you?” I turned, looked, paused for a moment and said, “I am.” She said, “I’ve just been on pins and needles waiting to hear how she is. I’ve been thinking of her. Good luck this week.” And then we continued to talk more. This was Susan from Cleverhood and Cleverpup. It was both funny and awesome to be recognized as a dog’s mom. 

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Sharing Maggie’s story with everyone has been healing, cathartic and painful all at once. Of course, I’ve always wanted to share Maggie since the day I picked her up. She has a gentle spirit that puts people at ease. She is the embodiment of tender. It’s been profoundly rewarding to be her mom. 

Through my brief conversation with Susan and the texts, emails and comments I’ve received regarding this story I’ve realized that sharing our stories is what connects people. It’s the very fabric of our humanness. We might not see eye to eye on certain things but when people share a common bond, a common characteristic, a common like (or dislike) it makes us realize we are all one and we are much more alike than not alike. 

All this being said, I’m sitting at my desk with Cory next to me playing Fallout 76 and Maggie lounging in her bed. I love this family that we’ve created. I look over at Maggie, her paw is twitching – she’s in a dream state – probably chasing a squirrel in her mind. I keep thinking about what tomorrow brings. We have to bring her to the vet between 7:00-7:30am up in Waltham which means we’ve got to leave our place in Providence around 5:30am.

I spoke with my friend, Maggie’s second mom Kristen from K9 to 5, and she gave me hope knowing that I’m doing the right thing for Maggie (Doodle). She did tell me, however, that I cannot baby Maggie while she is healing. That will make her too dependent on me and will ultimately diminish Maggie’s happiness and confidence. This will be difficult because all I want to do is care for her but caring for her means treating her normal, not babying her, making her go about her life like she did when she had four legs. I will need to approach it like nothing has changed. She also mentioned that I should try not to be sad or angry about it all in front of Maggie. That will make Maggie think something is wrong and make her more anxious. I’m sure most of you saw the video where I was talking about how I was crying pretty hard and Maggie got up out of her bed, brought me a toy then went and laid back down. I mean how much more sweet can a dog get? So from here on out my tears will not be in front of her but behind closed doors. Sigh…. 

Anyway, we pick Maggie up Saturday morning and will bring her home. I am taking all next week off to be with her and to move into a new place since life loves to happen all at once. Next time I post I’ll have pictures of her post surgery and will write about the healing process and how she’s handling it. Thanks again for reading this. Thanks for caring. Thanks for allowing me to share my wonderful beast with you.  

It wasn’t an easy decision to amputate Maggie’s leg. There were other alternatives but none of them provided as great of an impact on Maggie’s comfort as an amputation. We can already tell that her leg is bothering her. She is compensating for the pain and putting much more of her weight on her right foreleg. 

But let me backup. Some of you have asked how we initially found out Maggie was sick. 

About a five or six weeks ago I was on a phone call for work – I work remotely – and Maggie was lounging in her bed. She got up and I could tell something was wrong immediately. Then she walked over to me limping. We could clearly see her leg was swollen at her joint (you can see her left foreleg joint is swollen in the picture below). I have pet insurance on Maggie which is a godsend – thank you to Cory for pushing that on me – so I called our vet to see if we could get her in that day. Our vet had no openings, so I ended up calling Armory Animal Hospital which, incidentally, is about .3 miles from our apartment. Dr. Corey was able to see her right away. 

We thought it was just a soft tissue injury. She’d been really active that weekend. She ran a 5K and then did two walks which were about 3.5 miles each. Maybe it was a wee bit too much for her given her size. 

Anyway, Dr. Corey said since it seemed to come on acutely he didn’t want to go through x-rays yet. So he gave us some carprofen (NSAID) and told us to ice and heat her leg and keep an eye on it. He did briefly mention this was where bone cancer typically shows up but I gave it no credence. She’s five. She doesn’t have cancer. 

About two weeks later her leg wasn’t any better. I’d run out of carprofen and she was limping again so I called Dr. Corey. We got her in for an x-ray the Monday after Thanksgiving. Cory was so helpful. He was able to be with Maggie during the x-ray so we didn’t have to sedate her. We saw her x-rays right away and Dr. Corey was concerned. He said it had the starburst pattern like osteosarcoma but he was sending it to the radiologist to verify. Here’s a picture of what that looks like. It’s not Maggie’s x-ray but similar. 

Flash forward to where we are at now. Here’s what we know: 

1. We haven’t done a biopsy but there’s really nothing else it could be. All signs point to cancer.
2. Rather than putting her through two surgeries, one for biopsy and one for amputation, we decided to do the amputation with the biopsy. This will confirm what we already know and, more importantly, remove Maggie’s source of pain.
3. About two weeks post-op Maggie will go back to NEVOG to start chemotherapy.
4. Dogs with osteosarcoma typically survive 6-8 months post amputation WITHOUT chemotherapy.
5. Dogs with osteosarcoma typically survive 12 months post amputation WITH chemotherapy. He does have two dogs that have been on chemo and one is 14 months post amputation and the other is 16 months post amputation. While these are outliers they do exist. 
6. Maggie could participate in a drug study, however, the current one going on now is simply looking at how dogs respond to the vaccine not necessarily the efficacy of the treatment. The efficacy study has already been done. Results are promising though – roughly 900 days survival post amputation and with chemotherapy. She’d have to have multiple treatments at $900 a piece. Insurance will not cover that. 

Given all of this information the bottom line is Maggie’s days are numbered. But then I realized all of our days are numbered it’s just now we sort of know when and how Maggie will go. It still sucks. I still cry – a lot. I’m still struggling with coming to terms with this. I’m sad.

But here’s the thing… Maggie’s not dead. She’s still here. She’s still my girl and I’m going to do my best to make sure she’s comfortable and happy. I’m not giving up on her. How could I? She’d never give up on me or Cory. I’m doing what I think is the kindest thing I can for her which is removing the source of pain. If cancer still decides it’s going to take her well then it’s going to be a fight. But know this – I won’t let Maggie suffer. I have a feeling she’ll let me know when it’s time. But that day is not today and for that I am grateful. 

I’m grateful she’s mine. I’m grateful that I have the ability to take care of her. I’m grateful that I’ve had the chance to have such an amazing companion. She is a queen among dogs. I love her. 

I didn’t get much sleep last night between Cory’s snoring and my mind’s inability to shut the hell up I tossed and turned. What was the surgeon going to say? What are our next steps? Will Maggie be okay? Oh yeah, I’ve got to hire a moving truck for the week of Christmas. Oh yeah, my final paper for class is due tomorrow – I haven’t started it because I wasted my weekend. I have a huge project at work that is going to be rolled out soon – am I ready? I mean – it goes on and on.

All this being said, top of my mind was Maggie.

You’re not all here to read about my craziness but I think you’re here to read about Maggie’s next step.

We met with Dr. Nieves at BluePearl Hospital in Waltham, MA this morning. This is next door to the oncology office she will be going to post-op. I knew I liked Dr. Nieves the moment I met her. Right after she introduced herself she said, “She’s only 5. This really sucks.” I appreciated her sentiment. Dr. Nieves explained what will happen and what the recovery is like.

First, here’s what we are doing. On December 21 we will be amputating Maggie’s left front leg. The amputation takes the entire leg and scapula. She will stay the night at the hospital and we can pick her up on Saturday, December 22 in the morning. I wish I could stay with her that night so she knows she’s okay but I can’t.

Recovery will be a bit of a process. She will send Maggie home and will see her one week and two weeks post-op. Maggie will be on Gabapentin for a month. This will help with the pain and more specifically two weeks out this will help alleviate any phantom pain. Dr. Nieves said that dogs can suffer from phantom pain and start screaming uncontrollably. The Gabapentin will hopefully mitigate this and Maggie won’t have to suffer that fate.

Maggie will also be given a Help-Me-Up harness which will be used mostly at the beginning until she gets her bearings and learns to walk on three legs. Dr. Nieves says even if Maggie struggles at first with walking she will eventually take to it as all dogs do. She did mention that Maggie seems to have heart and will be determined so this makes me happy to hear.

After her amputation we will work with Dr. Rinaldi at NEVOG for her chemotherapy and a drug study where they have a vaccine that is showing promising results in terms of slowing the metastatic disease. I’m a bit hopeful but trying not to hold onto that hope too tightly.

I’ll follow up tomorrow or Thursday with more reflection and more detail on this but I figured I’d report to you guys.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out with kind words. It means a lot. It’s made me cry a lot. It seems the overwhelming message I’m hearing is that Maggie is lucky to have me as a mom. Personally, I consider myself extremely lucky to have Maggie as my pup. She’s best fucking dog in the world and doesn’t deserve to have this. I wish this wasn’t happening.

Let’s talk about yesterday. At 7:36 yesterday morning my phone rang. The oncologist had a cancellation at 9:30 and wanted to know if we wanted to take the appointment. Of course we said yes. We left the house at 8:00 and arrived right at 9:30. Boston traffic is no joke.

We met with Dr. Nicholas Rinaldi from New England Veterinary Oncology Group. He reviewed Maggie’s records and based off her history, the presentation of the tumor and her X-rays she likely has osteosarcoma. The next step will be a fine-needle aspiration and/or surgical biopsy. We were able to get her in while we were there for the fine-needle aspiration and additional X-rays of her chest just to be sure that the cancer hasn’t spread yet.

Good news: her lungs are clear

Bad news: they couldn’t get the needle into her bone so we definitely have to do a surgical biopsy.

The next step will be a consultation with a surgeon. This has been scheduled for Tuesday, December 11. We will likely have to decide if we want to amputate her entire leg initially. They will be able to do the biopsy from that and then from there we could do chemotherapy. It sounds like regardless she has a year or so left.

What I care most about is her quality of life. I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t want her to be in pain. This goes beyond my feelings of sadness and grief but down to the basic level of being a mother and providing safety and comfort for her.

For now, we will continue as we are. Morning walks as long as Maggie wants to go on them. Cuddles all the time (this isn’t new). For now, Maggie is good. She is happy. She still wants to walk. She is my girl. She still gets up out of a stone-cold sleep if she hears me opening cheese.

As for me? I’ve not yet come to terms with this. But the outpouring of love and support has proven to me that we are not alone in our pain and heartache. We are loved. We have all suffered as a result of loving our pets so much, however, we’ve also had a greater benefit added to our lives because of our pets.

I was scrolling through some of the zillions of pictures of Maggie smiling and laughing to myself. I like this one I took the other day in front of a local coffee shop. I thought the sign was endearing. 

Anyway, my sister-in-law once told me that she believes Great Danes come into our lives when we need them the most and they leave us when they’ve healed what needs to be healed. Let the record stand that I’m not healed yet and Maggie needs to stick around.

 

 

I’ll follow up after we see the surgeon. Thanks for reading and being on this journey with us.