It’s time…

“You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free”

After some intense soul searching and tough talks with Cory we’ve decided it is time to let Maggie go. This is not a decision made in haste but it’s a decision made in the spirit of mercy and love. It’s not one moment or thing that’s led to this decision but rather knowing Maggie is not going to get better… ever. In fact, she is only going to trend in one direction. I can’t bear the thought of her not being able to get up one day and just laying in her own piss and shit because I couldn’t give her peace before then. I can’t bear the thought of her not being able to sleep because she’s slowly suffocating. I just can’t do that to her. I don’t want her last days to be frightening or more uncomfortable than she already is. She deserves more than that. After everything she’s given me this is the least I can do for her. 

I want one more weekend with her and so we have scheduled her to be put down on Tuesday at 6:15pm. Dr. Corey from Armory Animal Hospital will be the one doing it. I trust him as much as I trust Dr. Doolittle. He’s the kindest man and his practice has been nothing short of amazing. They worked it all out yesterday and let me pay over the phone so that I don’t have to worry about that on the day. For that… I’m eternally grateful. I will be an emotional train wreck. 

It’s not been an easy week; however, I’ve found some peace knowing that soon Maggie won’t have to labor over breathing like she has been as we have gotten hotter more humid weather. I find peace in knowing she won’t be suffering. That being said, I’m oftentimes on the verge of tears… not just one or two tears but full on crying, shoulders shaking, and swollen eyes.  

The other day I sat down next to Maggie and we looked deep into each other’s eyes and I said, “Maggie, when you’re ready, I’m ready. I’ll be okay. I’ll be really sad, but I’ll be okay.” She then kissed me on my cheeks and buried her head in my chest. I knew at that moment… she’s ready. Although it took me a few days to come to that realization. 

For now, Maggie is getting spoiled. I’ve split her two meals into four so she’s always got food on the way and she’s getting a marrow bone every day. While I won’t be here Saturday I’m happy she’ll get one night alone with her dad for them to have some quality time together. He needs that and she needs that. 

I’ve decided that I will not define my time with Maggie by the end but rather by the entire life that we’ve spent together. It’s been less than six years, but it’s been quite a happy story. She’s had an amazing life and I’m so glad I got to spend it with her. Even in the last six months she still had a lot of fun, ate tasty food and got better care than most animals see in their lifetime. She’s touched so many people in profound ways and has, in my opinion, made everyone around her a kinder, happier person. She has been (and for now still is) the brightest light I’ve ever encountered. Her flame may have to burn out sooner than I’d like but memories of her and her joyous spirit will live on. I’m so thankful I got to spend close to six wonderful years with her. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

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